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As an only child, siblings have always intrigued me! I have both longed to have siblings and simultaneously been apprehensive of stereotypical sibling conflict. I have studied siblings for as long as I can remember out of curiosity. Although as a child I never actually took notes, I would observe sibling sets through friendships. I had two sets who were polar opposites of each other but my age was situated right in the middle of each sister. With one pair, I would leave their house tired and tense because they had treated me a bit like a tug-of-war rope, arguing over me during the entire visit. The other set loved each other so much and I was invited into the relationship to simply multiply the caring and imagination. I would leave their house energized and inspired because they were pros at imagination and taking turns, but a bit envious because they were rarely lonely. I marveled at the difference...
My study, observation (and yes, my apprehension) intensified as my husband and I prepared for the birth of our second child and the new phase of our journey as parents to siblings. There are a plethora of examples of close and distant siblings in all phases of life. Environment and levels of effort both affect sibling relationships. This summer, PLAtime will have a sibling focus and we invite parents to come along with us. The following are some questions to help parents walk through setting up their own intent and levels of investment in their children as siblings. We will look at some practical activities, but individual families must discover their own "why" and "how much" to invest in sibling relational connections.
These are questions I use to periodically evaluate my investment in my children's relationships with each other:
1. Do I have some favorite examples of siblings? If so, who are they? If not, where can I look ...people I know, in books and movies, etc.?
2. What do I admire about these siblings?
3. What are some qualities that I would like for our children to experience in their relationship with each other?
4. Do I have some favorite Biblical moments or movie moments between siblings? Have I ever actually shared these with the kids? The most commonly known sibling conflicts in the Bible often have lesser known but extremely powerful reconciliation moments. Do my kids know these? It amazes me how the enemy can stir Scripture to highlight the conflict and dissension when we don’t read the entire thing!
5. How much time do I spend planning experiences for the siblings in my life? How much time do I spend refereeing conflict between them? How can I be more preventative in conflict by investing time and effort in setting up shared experiences that draw them together?
6. Am I willing to financially invest in ideas that they want to do together? (i.e. buying little things for “theme ideas” they have for each other like pirate day or tea party, older siblings taking youngers for ice cream, Younger siblings having gift cards to treat olders to a dollar store candy bar or games at local arcades )
7. Do we have margin in our schedule to incorporate any of the above? If not, what can we do to free up some space?
Hoping sibling bonds flourish this summer in our homes and may we PLA well!
